How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.

 

When I dropped my Toothpaste, I was Crest fallen.

 

Spoiler

Anaconda

 

There was a person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

Im reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Police were called to a daycare where a toddler was resisting a rest.

A new type of broom was invented, and it's sweeping the nation.



One more horrible pun that isn't that good and isn't really a pun: Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

 

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

 

You didn't judge mine...

 

I have invented a new fan. It'll blow you away!
Just thought of this, totally orginal!
Get it? ORGINal? :p
Nah, just grade the first one.

 

A man goes to the Joint Institute for Nuclear Research in Dubna, Russia.
After going inside, he asks the old lady at the counter if he could interview someone who discovered livermorium (a synthetic element).
"What did you say?" the lady questions. "I can't quite hear you!"
So the man repeats his request again, this time a bit louder.
"Well, I'm sorry sir," the lady replies, "but you're in the wrong place. This is not a restaurant."

 

I've been to the dentist a thousand times, so I know the drill.

 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization